Your Weekly Whoomp

Not really too much to whoomp about this time, so, I guess I’ll just share a couple thoughts about my cane.
My boss asked me if I’d beat anybody with my cane yet, and, having thought the conditions under which I’d use it, I said, “Yunno, being mad isn’t a good enough reason to hit someone with my cane… I’d hafta be scared!”
Someone once asked me why I don’t use it at work. After much thought, the answer is really very simple, and didn’t warrant as much thought as I put into it. I don’t want my coworkers to think I can’t handle my part of the load, and I don’t want coworkers to think I want them to think I can’t handle my part of the load. So my cane gets hung up at work.
Now, this next story really does have something to do with the cane, so bear with me.
A pirate walked into a bar in pretty bad shape. He had a wooden leg, a hook for his left hand, and a patch on his eye.
The bartender said, “Hey, Pete, I haven’t seen you in a long time! What happened to your leg?”
The pirate answered, “Got it blown off by a cannonball!”
The bartender continued, “That’s too bad! What happened to your hand?
“Got it cut off in a sword fight.”
“You’re ALL messed up! What happened to your eye?”
“A seagull, flying overhead, pooped in it!”
“Seagull poop? That wouldn’t cause you to lose your eye!”
“Well, it was the day after I got this new hook….
Now, if you didn’t get it, imagine you would do immediately upon something getting in your eye.
Now, here’s the part where my cane comes in. Remember when I said that I had put a spike on it? Well getting into the car at the same time as the cane, I sat on the spike. I was wondering if I drew blood, but, so far, nobody’s mentioned it.
So, why am I using a cane at all. You might well ask. Ever since I watched, “The Avengers”, an adventure series of yore, starring a pair of Brits, I’ve thought a cane was cool, but I never had a reason to justify the cost.
My excuse was handed to me on August first, via a Ford EXP, which gave me those 14 rib fractures, and, soon afterward, I wanted a signal to tell drivers, as a pedestrian, “I know I’m not moving very fast, but there’s probly a reason.”
It worked.
My ribs have healed, I’ve taken cane Hapkido classes, so, now, the cane is a means of self defense, and an external “cool” thing. but, occasionally, like today, I wonder if the having a cane isn’t just too much of a pain in the ass.
This is the part where I usually say, “Please write” or something like that, but after this letter of confession, I’m not sure I want you to! Maybe you will anyway!